Homesickness or Head-sickness?!

Come rain or shine, hell or high water, Craig begins his day with a cup of coffee and The Herald. Besides the fact that he wishes his coffee was a 'regte egte koppie Ricoffy', reading the South African news is his way of maintaining his roots while we're living abroad. More importantly, his reading of The Herald connects him to Port Elizabeth and the Eastern Cape. If a place could be a religion, Craig would be the most zealous and fervent Port Elizabthanite! But what is so intriguing about this ritualistic reading of a newspaper from home is this: reading about home is the LAST thing I would choose to do precisely because it reminds me too much of NOT being home. Each to their own, I suppose. Last year, bursting at the seams with a Layla-bun in the oven, watching Madiba's birthday being screened by the BBC was so excruciatingly painful I fled the tormenting sweetness of Nkosi Sikelel' iAfrika for my bedroom upstairs, my pillow damp with being plain pissed-off with myself for choosing to come to England a second time. Being universes away from my parents and Craig's parents while their first grandchild was on its way continues to weigh upon my heart. To explain the extent of the guilt I feel for having prevented my mother from proudly rubbing my growing belly cannot be explained away in a self-indulgent blog post... But anyway, I'm getting carried away. What is so incredibly interesting is how each South African has their own 'heart-balms' they use to soothe the aches of the immigrant-soul. I would love to hear from ANYONE who reads this blog (yip - that means you!)about their own personal heart-balms. (-4C outside, and the soft, white snow --- no longer so exotic -- tumbles down from ashen skies... you can actually hear the snow falling, a hushed susurration - a blanket. Now too dangerous to drive, I'm kicking myself for not remembering to buy loopaper and the aubergines I needed to try my Bengali dish again! But - as a consolation, I have Radio Algoa and a glorious cup of rooibos warmly reminding me we will be home just now.)

Getting back to what I was saying about reading The Herald, since we made the decision to return home, I've been able to read it quite happily - with none of that angst that comes with living in denial about how darn shitty it is to live in another country. England, to be precise. (Maybe it's not so bad in Aussie?) And because we''ll be based in the Eastern Cape, I decided to get involved and register as a user so I could comment on the various news articles. Admittedly, I rushed rather unthinkingly to make my first comment. What a disaster!! The article in question involved various government officials flying to Bloem in an air ambulance to ... wait for it: watch a soccer match! Merely for the sake of making a comment, I jumped in and said something about moving back to South Africa from the UK. Needless to say, the other users climbed in with their apathetic South African aggro - and I'm still smarting from the humiliation of exposing myself without thinking. SO much of what is supposedly 'wrong' with South Africa can surely be blamed on the kind of attitudes exhibited below.

It's a big adjustment coming back to SA. I know the weather in the UK is a big factor on quality of life but think carefully about coming back. After Jacob (Loverboy) Zuma's state of the nation speech, I don't see much of anything getting better...this country is on the way to being Africa's richest banana republic.

The above user, I am absolutely, vehemently, adamantly certain, has never lived in England. Sure, the weather's not great - but it is more the pervasive, beige chill of the country as a whole that is a problem for an African who lives life in full colour! My advice to him? Travel a little - it's an instant remedy for blinkeritis.

The next user deserves a swift lobotomy-by-snot-klap. Only a white person would say something with such heartless cruelty that rings frighteningly of Adolf Hitler's 'Final Solution',

Aids is our only hope.

This oke says he lived in Germany for 2 years. And honestly? Two years in another country is more like an extended working-holiday than actual emigration. The first time I lived in the UK was for four years - and time and again, it takes between 4 and 6 years for the reality of it to set in. Mr Germany - if it's so bad in SA, go back to Germany for another four years. And actually - don't bother coming back. We don't need wet-towels like you.

think real hard before coming back. I immigrated to Germany for two years and made the biggest mistake of my life coming back...from structure, 1st world services to corruption and chaos. I urge you to think carefully.

This next quote is from someone living overseas - and thinks he as the right to decide what 'civilization' is! The crime in South Africa is a problem - but there is a serious problem with crime in England too. Children murdering children. Psychotic, knife-wielding teenagers. Terrorism.

are you utterly crazy? How can you think of giving up life in relative civilization to return to the third world shambles SA has become? I myself would rather die where I am right now than ever return to that corrupt hellhole.

I wonder if this guy has ever been personally touched by terrorism? On the 7th of July 2005, I called my sisters to cancel our date to meet them in London to see the Frida Kahlo exhibition at the Tate Modern. Quite why I cancelled is hazy to me now, but thank goodness I did! That was the day London and the very trains I was going to be travelling on were targeted by terrorists. And to be very honest, I can rationalise poverty-induced crime. I can even understand the anger behind not-having and the violent hijackings and robberies that result from this. Don't get me wrong: I still lock my doors etc and believe ANY crime is wrong, but there is a degree of humanity in much of our South African crime. i.e. hate, anger, fear, hunger - and simply not knowing any better for lack of opportunity. But terrorism? No. There is nothing in the terrorist that I can relate to as a human being. I am choosing to take the necessary safety measures when I am back in South Africa, and living with the reality that I could become a victim of violent crime. But this is a much more tolerable choice than continuing to live in a country that is hated and continually targeted by terrorists.

Last but not least, Homecoming Revolution has been a magnificent source of encouragement and practical advice, and besides receiving their newsletters, I recently joined their Facebook page. And there, I couldn't help but comment again - though this time, more thoughtfully. The comment I replied to:

What home-coming revolution? They left of their own free-will because they didn't want to be a part of the New South Africa. The damn racists. Let them stay where they are.

This meneer , as I saw from his photo and name, is black - and I'm not just talking about his mood! He and our aforementioned Nazi friend should get together and have a lekker chat. That wouldn't accomplish much, I suppose... But wouldn't it be great if they could see how racism, as a double-sided coin (or is it 'sword'?) is the very cause of all their issues regarding the state of our nation?